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Manicure Tip #1: If you ever flood your cuticles or get too much nail polish under your nails while you’re wrapping the tips, or don’t have the dexterity to paint a smooth, intentional gap, you can just take an orange stick or something and kind of run it along the edge of your cuticle while the polish is still wet to make a “cut” that separates the polish from your skin. This is helpful because if you “glue” your cuticle to your nail bed, the polish will peel right off because it didn’t adhere correctly. You want a slight gap, even if it’s just enough that the area still moves slightly without being stuck in place by polish.

Manicure Tip #2: If you pull out your pocket knife and use the flathead screwdriver to clear nail polish out of your cuticles in front of a straight dude, he WILL lecture you about how that’s not what it’s for, as though he legitimately thinks you don’t know what the fuck a MANLY, MANLY screwdriver is and were such a HORRIBLE, FEMININE airhead that you assumed your cute little knifey poo came with nail care tools just because it also has a file.

Manicure Tip #3: Like, seriously, who insults the intelligence of someone with a knife.

Manicure Tip #4: I mean, I didn’t stab the dude, but I super could’ve.

Manicure Tip #5: Seriously, man, you think I don’t know what a screwdriver is because I wear nail polish? It’s called overcoming functional fixedness, ya’ dick.

Manicure Tip #6: It should be legal to stab people, but just like. A little bit. Like maybe you cut a button off of their shirt or fuck up their bangs and you go to court like, “This fucker for reals thought I didn’t know what a screwdriver was.”

Manicure Tip #7: The L.A. Colors “Color Last” nail polishes are really nice if you go for the lighter colours, but the dark ones have that kind of jelly-looking transparency that makes them hard to get opaque in under four coats. But at less than two dollars a bottle, you really can’t be too upset about it. Brush size is a little much, hence the cuticle flooding, but still a good product for the price point.

Alex Heberling

Alex Heberling here. I own the place.

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