Protip for men: if marriage is a horrifying concept for you and you think it is an evil trap, do not buy a ring and ask a woman to marry you
Iâm way over seeing radical feminist bullshit on my dash. This isnât even social justice or a real issue.
sorry that not marrying someone you dont loathe is radical feminism i guess?
women: donât propose or get married if u donât like the thought of marriage
men: what kind of sjw fuckery
the other bit that this implies is:
If you like your wife, act like it. Even around your friends. Be open and honest about liking your wife, liking spending time with her, and not being resentful of the shared work of building a household. Let your buddies know you canât hang out with them because youâd rather be home with your wife, whom you like, because she is your legit bff, even though you know your buddies are gonna mock you for it.
Stand up to your buddies. Tell them mocking isnât cool and you donât want them to do it anymore. Challenge the other men in your life to be better men.
That is what âdonât get married if you think marriage is an evil trapâ implies to men who are married. And while itâs all completely reasonable I imagine that itâs scary as fuck when itâs just so much easier to har de har har the little womanâs such a nag, ainât she, donât we all hate being married so much? with other men.
In that context, âdonât get married if you think marriage is an evil trapâ is kindof a radical statement.
The number of guys I work with who are engaged who started pulling the âuh oh, life over soon, har harâ shit that I have completely shut down with a simple âwell if you donât want to get married, then donâtââŠ*sigh* And theyâre just like, hem, haw, welllll if I donât then she might not stay with meee, which I respond to with âwell, sounds like you need to have a pretty serious and honest conversation with your fiancee about your feelings thenâ and then the *panic!* lookâŠWhen you remove that easy âhah hah ball-and-chainâ narrative, watch the reaction. Some of them (to a female friend) will mumblingly admit that they love their fiancee and are excited to be married. OthersâŠall you get is fear.
Thatâs the disservice we do men by refusing to teach boys how to explore their emotional needs. It hurts everyone. I watched three male friends walk into marriages I can tell they werenât ready for and didnât want, just because it was expected and they had no tools for emotional self-examination. Two of those marriages are (shockingly) in crisis, a couple years later. One has kids involved now. Itâs more than a little heartbreaking. The marriages I see that are working? Are the guys with the emotional maturity to talk to their wives and who donât care if everyone knows theyâre in love with them.
SERIOUSLY.Â
My friend is getting married this summer and when I congratulated her fiance on their engagement he said to me âYeah well you know, women. This is what they want so you have to bite the bullet.â and my other friendâs husband who was sitting next to him laughed and agreed. If this is how you feel, donât get married. Donât propose. JustâŠ. Donât. Do it. Any of it.
Straight people think that doing things you really donât want to do – like marriage and having kids – is normal cos theyâre still stuck in a fucking 19th century mindset.
Itâs why I know my best friend got a good one, heâs open about how much he loves her and heâs excited to be getting married and regularly contributes ideas and has his own input, itâs nice to see
It filters through as well. Even being gay, a lot of my straight friends donât understand why I spend so much time with my husband. Because I love him? Because I enjoy his company? Because heâs my best friend? I canât count the amount of straight people that have told me that they think itâs âweirdâ that my husband and I spend so much quality time together. The only person who understood was my mom, whose response was: âIf you love someone and genuinely enjoy their company, why WOULDNâT you want to spend your free time with them?!â
How can anyone look at their impending marriage and think âoh no, itâs all over nowâ like???? Iâve only felt so close to so many people in my life, but those small few were like?? Iâd wake up in the morning excited to be awake just to look forward to SEEING them. Iâd catch myself with this stupid idiot grin in broad daylight just THINKING ABOUT BEING AROUND THEM. Iâd sleep easy with them in my head, shitty days became perfect once I spoke to them. THATâs how I imagine feeling again someday. I think about feeling that way for someone again and itâs like the whole future opens up. Marriage is finding your best friend in the whole wide world and wanting to have a sleepover every single day, and to agree to it and then go around groaning like your freedom is being stolen is a HUGE disrespect. If you have the freedom to share your life with anyone you like and you throw it around like baggage you really canât expect it to grow, can you? You gotta care about yourself a little more than that I think
All of this.
Not to mention this mentality makes itâs way TO THE DAY OF THE WEDDING. How many weddings have we seen with something like this:
Like what kind of toxic mentality do you have to have to say this as the bride is about to walk down the aisle and marry someone who itâs now suggested doesnât even want to be there?? How is this cute? How is this supposedly charming? This is supposed to be the person you love and want to be with! And not to mention that you send this down the aisle with a small child (the ring bearer or the flower girls)âŠI have a special loathing for things like this.Â
Holy shit I didnât know that was even a thing.
This reminds me of a study I read about years ago with statistics on happiness/stability in relationships of people of various genders/orientations, and straight people were at the very bottom. (And lesbians were at the top! Not a huge surprise, given that women are generally more inclined to communicate and work out emotions and issues.)
Oh God, Iâve found something worse than those horrible âbride dragging the groom kicking and screamingâ wedding toppers.
i think that now completes the Reluctant Straight Wedding Starter PackÂź
i think the moment i was disillusioned about life was when i was maybe 7 years old and realized the reason all my friends had become assholes was because boys arenât allowed to have any physcial contact that isnât fighting
my parents were hippie feminists so my brother and i could play clapping games and sleep in puppy piles and give each other weird hairdos, but all the ânormalâ boys just up and stopped knowing how to touch anyone without hitting sometime between kindergarten and first grade
and my little kid mind briefly saw the vastness of life stretching out in front of all of us, and all the hugs everyone would need and not get, and for a moment i was just like
maybe life is not such a good idea after all
I grew up around a Russian ballet school. Let me tell you something about Russian men: They touch each other. Especially dancers, who are in my experience almost always super tactile people. They rough house like Americans, but they also hug each other, and sit on each otherâs laps, and share blankets when itâs cold backstage.
So I grew up knowing full well that the whole Men Donât Touch thing was puritanical bullshit.
What I was absolutely not prepared for, however, is the super intense effect it has on straight menâs romantic relationships.
Because when you are literally the only person it is okay for your boyfriend to touch, Jesus fucking Christ, that changes the game.
I strongly suspect that a lot of Str8 Dude feelings of entitlement to womenâs bodies, particularly the bodies of their wives and girlfriends, is a direct result of those women being the only non-violent physical contact theyâre allowed to have.
I know for certain that the framing of any and all platonic physical contact as un-manly has been directly responsible for a lot of sexual dysfunction (and then the attendant misery of trying to get that treated at the ripe old age of 22) with at least one of my exes. Itâs a mess when you canât get it up because youâre depressed and want to be held but youâve been brainwashed into thinking what you actually want is sex because being held is for girls.
Amazing how the erectile dysfunction went completely away when he learned the difference between feeling horny and feeling cuddly. /sarcasm
âI strongly suspect that a lot of Str8 Dude feelings of entitlement to womenâs bodies, particularly the bodies of their wives and girlfriends, is a direct result of those women being the only non-violent physical contact theyâre allowed to have.â
Omfg
No wonder the worst of them seem crazy⊠profound isolation does exactly that
When I taught in Japan, the boys were all super comfortable with each other. Theyâd sit on laps and hug and roughhouse and it wasnât seen as bad ? Like it surprised me at first, but then you realize the problem is with so many men feeling that they have to prove⊠something? I dunno. I personally donât like hugs or touches, but that is my own personal reasons and nothing of how I was brought up.
Because when you are literally the only person it is okay for your boyfriend to touch, Jesus fucking Christ, that changes the game.
Things I never thought ofâŠI couldnât imagine if my husband were the only person I was allowed to touch. As I think on it, that extends to the kids, too. The dudes arenât allowed to really even cuddle their own damned children or nieces and nephews.
Wow.
Also explains why western media romanticizes co-dependency in romantic relationships to such an insane degree.
Makes me think of reactions to the Hobbit Slumber Party at the end of ROTK, and how “homoerotic” it feels/felt. Hmm.
