first law: write the fic you wish to see in the world aka goddammit do I have to do everything myself around here
second law: it’s going to be longer than you think. much longer. hahaha so long. why are you crying
third law: the time spent writing is inversely proportional to the amount of smut present, dammit
fourth law: flesh out your secondary characters. make them real people. have them take over. oh god. put them back. somebody please help
fifth law: the time spent researching canon is directly proportional to the amount of time you’ll spend altering your plot. that one person on the internet
sixth law: the time spent researching in general will eclipse the time you spend writing. the nsa agent monitoring your internet search history is curled up in a corner. his boss wants to know if you’re a threat. “I don’t know,” the agent sobs. “I just really don’t know.”
seventh law: at some point, someone will ask what your favorite hobby is. you will feign a heart attack to get away
eight law: cultivate your fannish friends, because someday you will need to know bedroom layouts in fifteenth century Estonian villages or the lyrics to that 80s garage-band song you heard twice, and Google will have nothing.
ninth law: there’s always room for a sequel. ESPECIALLY IF SOMEONE DIED. Just don’t think about it. NO! WHAT DID I SAY? PUT THE IDEAS DOWN!
tenth law: write your ideas down. write them down. Write them down. Write. Your. Ideas. Down. WRITE THEM DOWN BEFORE THEY WRITE YOU DOWN.
Eleventh law: Edit. You know that paragraph you wrote at 4 am and found yourself sleeping on top of the next morning? You know you loved it when you wrote it, but go back and look at it. What is this? What does this mean? Be prepared to write the same story two or three times over in this process.
squid’s laws of fic (not inclusive)
